using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
