def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
3 2 1 whiskey
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
