I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Welp...herpes.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just invented taco cereal.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
