It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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