maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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