I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
