That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
