you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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