is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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