I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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