just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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