I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
