I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
