Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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