Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
