Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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