I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
