i was born a porn star she said
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
