clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
