sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
