Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
