discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
