Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
