I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
