I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
