Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
