my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
