The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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