i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
