never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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