Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
