Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
