The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize