Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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