Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
