My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
