The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it's like iHOP with fire
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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