so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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