she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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