Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
