When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
