I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
