Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
