Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
