You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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