I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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