just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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