the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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