So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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