My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
