Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize