I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
