I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
