peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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