The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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