How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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