he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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