He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
