I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize