I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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