My first STD was from a foam party
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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