Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
