Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
