What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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