She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
