Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize