i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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