toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
accomplished twins. life is a go
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
