Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
