shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
