Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You were trust falling into bushes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
