This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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