Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
