I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
