Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
