those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
