you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize