Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I CAN MOONWALK!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
