What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
