I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
