Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
